Well, it has been a minute since I have felt inspired to or had the energy to write. I decided to make my grand re-entry to writing by sharing a book on a non-traditional and not-so-fun topic: rejection. Kait Warman’s Thank You for Rejecting Me puts into words a lot of my own thoughts and experiences with rejection, in all it’s shapes and forms.
I literally stumbled upon Kait Warman’s podcast during in the summer of 2020, shortly after moving to Nashville during the craziness of Covid. Another podcaster I follow was joining Kait’s virtual conference, so I signed up (hey, it was virtual and we were all home anyway…) Fast forward to February 2021 when I joined the launch team for her book, which included some fun zoom book clubs with the author herself. Through the sacred bond of shared experiences, it became unequivocally clear how NOT unique rejection actually is. Bit of a tangent, but it needs stating; while it is easy to harp on the evils of social media, I have met individuals I am privileged to now call friends through the podcast community. Believe it or not, it is possible to make friends and find community during Covid, but that is a blog post for another time, or perhaps I’ll have a book manuscript before long.
Now back to the topic at hand: rejection. We face all kinds of rejection every day. After experiencing job loss while already planning a move, I may have lamented a time or two that I felt rejected by an entire city. Overdramatic much? Probably… but the emotions behind that sentiment were real. Then there’s job searching, which even before Covid necessitated submitting an endless sea of resumes into a virtual abyss just looking for that one elusive yes. With every rejection comes more uncertainty and that feeling that you’ll be unemployed or stuck where you are forever. Then there’s relational rejection, more the focus of the book. Social rejection, romantic rejection, body image and anxiety, the book addresses it all. While the book is not exclusively looking at rejection in romantic relationships, I’d just like to take a moment to point out that the parallels between 21st Century dating and job hunting should be lost on no one.
But what if we reframed rejection? What if, instead of letting rejection tell us our identity, we use it to redirect us to God’s purpose for our life? Or what if this momentary rejection is actually a guardrail protecting you from something that would be terrible for you? There are a couple key rejections in my life now that looking back I can safely say I dodged some major life bullets. Now you doesn’t always get to look back say that, and you sure as heck won’t say that in the moment, but there is something to be said when you can give praise for not getting something that seemed so perfect and ideal at the time. Part of moving towards God’s best for you life is equipping yourself to properly process and work though rejection.
One of the more interesting aspects of the book that hit home for this Enneagram 1 was also the concept of self-rejection. The idea that there are times we selectively self-reject so we don’t even try: I’m not qualified enough for that job so I’m not even going to apply, there’s no way that person would be interested in me so I’m not going to show any interest, or there’s no way that person would want to be friends with me. It reeks of comparison, anxiety and insecurity, but we tell these narratives to ourselves all the time and are often ruled by them.
I don’t know where you are or how rejection is manifesting itself in your life, but I can assure you that you are not alone and there is something in this book for you. May we all be a little kinder to ourselves and reframe rejection in a way the leads us to person we are supposed to be and the people who are supposed to be in and add to our lives.
“Sometimes I thank God
Garth Brooks “Unanswered Prayers”
For unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’
To the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
‘Cause some of God’s greatest gifts
Are unanswered prayers”
